Yours/Hers identity

          

What’s Hers, What’s Mine

       Identity can be made by the agents of socializations. In “Farmworker’s Daughter”, Rose Castillo Guilbault talks about her memoir and we can also see how she was socialized throughout her life. Her identity was changing through the locations, family, peers, language, and the people surrounded her. Although I have not received the huge achievements as hers, I learned more about “myself” by comparing hers and mine. I realized my identity was built by the similar agents of socializations. 

     Guilbault’s mother gave her the main support in her life and made her more independent. Guilbault was the only child in the family. She had a divorced family when she was 5. Her mother brought Guilbault to the US and worked in a restaurant. It showed to Guilbault that she could be independent even though she did not have a father. Although their family did not have a financial support, they could still have their life as normal families. Moreover, her mother made enchiladas for Mrs. Lewis when she knew Mrs. Lewis does not like Guilbault. Guilbault realized that her mother worked hard and did everything which for her. She did not want her mother got worried and worked so hard. She did not tell her mother even if she had to “endure in the outside” because she knew “[her mother] relied heavily on her own experiences as a basic of understanding the world,”(47). Unlike her friends, she had to work hard and earn money.“[She] had a dream that would cost a lot of money—college,”(177). She relied on herself to make her dream came true even though her mother did not have enough money. After the Christmas vacation, she could still catch up although she had not gone to school for a month. Her mother’s support enabled her to keep going even though she faced many difficulties. Her willpower was stronger than anyone.

     I am different from Guilbault since I am not independent as she did. Instead, I always rely on my mother. My mother resigned her job and became a housewife at home due to my birth. Whenever I wanted something, my mom was willing to help me. This is never easy as she had to look after me for 24 hours a day. Whenever I had fever in the mid-night, she had to prepare a cooling pad and bring me to the hospital. When I was sad, she had to comfort me. In school years, even if I did something really wrong at school, she forgave me. One day when I was 10, I stole my friend’s money because I lost my money that was used to pay the school tuition. My mother taught me the right way to solve the problem instead of blaming me. She also explained everything patiently even though I was stubborn. She helped me to do all the things when I was small. Until now, I am dependent on her although I come to the US alone. When I board on the plane, the feeling was like the first time Guilbault get on the school bus: “Leaving my mother and boarding the bus brought up still more fears,”(48). Whenever I had problems, I would call my mother and asked for her suggestions. In the US, I know that no one could help me. I should not be dependent on my mother anymore. Although mothers are willing to help their children, we have to be independent too.

     Another agent of socialization in Guilbault’s life is alienation. As she had not adapted to the new environment, she was shy and being isolated due to the language and culture. “The older kids laughed at [her], and [she] couldn’t understand most of what was being said,” (48). These “confusing and humiliating” difficulties influenced her life and identity, (48). She became introverted. “But [she] was befriended by nature, which delighted and stimulated my imagination,” (57). She only could feel warm and love on the farm. Fortunately, she found that she had to “be part of beyond the farm [and her] parents,” (126). She wanted “to be their friend and be part of something big and bold. Something that could give [her] wings to help [her] fly away,” (129). She wanted to change herself because the farm did not interest her anymore. She became more extroverted and wanted to meet more friends.

     Guilbault’s life is similar to which I first came to the US. I was introvert to make friends and concentrate on my school work only. I was not good at speaking English. It was difficult for me to speak and meet some new friends. Another reason was I feared that I could not get along with their cultures and life style. I was shy and afraid to disturb them. Teenagers around me seldom played with international students. I did not have the courage to ask if they would join me. When there was group discussion in class, the classmates would never invite me to join them. Even if I joined their group, I would not say a few words because no one talked to me and I did not have confident to speak English as well. I was always being ignored in the class. When I entered the classroom, no one would notice me. I stayed at the corner of the classroom and concentrated on my books or day-dreamed. I felt lonely and I could only spend time on studying and learning English. Now, my English skill has been improved a lot. I can speak more confident. I am not as introverted as the past. I meet friendsvoluntarily. I like to meet international friends and share our cultures’ differences.  



     Guilbault became a confident person and did not give up to be a writer even though she is a Mexican. Guilbault’s fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Rojas, who was the sole Mexican American teacher changed Guilbault’s mind. She is another important agent of socialization in her life. Mrs. Rojas’s speech was “rooted” inside her mind. At first, Guilbault was isolated by her classmates. She was a shy Mexican girl. Mrs. Rojas told her “a Mexican could be considered beautiful,” (86). She realized “the seeds of self-worth, acceptance, and pride…were growing…and [she] found they rooted inside [her].” Pride and confident were given to her. “[She] will work very hard if writing is part of [her] job,” (144). It promoted her to be a writer in the future no matter she was Mexicans or met any difficulties. When she went to college, she stood by her commitment and joined the high school newspaper staff even though she was not allowed to join it. She became a confident woman. The identity of being an introverted girl was no longer existed.

     In Hong Kong, every student requires to attend a public exam in order to get a degree. There are only one-third of them can get the degree. Most students feel stressful, including me. I had to give up study and find a job if I could not get the degree. I was not good at study when I was small. I usually got the lowest score in my class. I was desperate and worried. I want to give up because I think I would never get the degree. My art teacher, Mr. Ho, was the famous art teacher in my school. When he was young, his family did not allow him to draw all the time instead of studying. Because of drawing, he always got the lowest scores in the class. Although his family did not support him, he insisted on his dream. He wanted to be the famous artist in Asia. His passion towards his dream showed me that I could reach my dream if I could insist on it. I should not give up easily. Unfortunately, I failed the exam in Hong Kong. However, I will not give up learning. I travel to the US and continue my study. I have to get a degree in the US and find my dream. Although I might not be successful in the future as him, I learned how to be optimistic when I meet difficulties.

     We are being socialized since our birth. The major agent of socialization for us is our mothers. Our minds and personalities are constructed by their speech, actions, responsibilities and other agents of socialization. “Self” is building and changing throughout the life. My identity is changing with variables. No one knows what will happen. However, we have the courage to continue our life. “[We] are eager to procreate in the spring.”(61) We can have a brand new life by overcoming the difficulties.

Reflection

      By comparing the similarities and the differences between Castillo Guilbault and my identity, I learned more about how agents of socialization affect the formation of identity. I learned our identity is mainly built by the environmental factors, but not ourselves.

      As a writer, I should focus on the sentences structure and explain more on each paragraph. Readers may not understand well of each of the main points. Besides, I should think of some methods to improve my proofread skill, for example, speak out each sentence loudly.